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Wanting to be loved is a natural feeling a majority of people have. However, some are willing to accept it in an unhealthy form known as struggle love. Unfortunately, this is a prevalent issue within the Black community and can cause younger generations to have an unhealthy idea of what they should look for when it comes to love.
To start off, the term “struggle love” refers to a one-sided relationship where one partner experiences long term stress stemming from their partner’s actions.
There are various examples that fall under the struggle love category. Typical examples include: one partner being the sole breadwinner, lack of commitment, abuse, one-sided effort, infidelity, an unhealthy level of codependency, a power imbalance or romanticizing hardships.
In the Black community, struggle love seems to be viewed as a requirement, meaning one has to endure pain before they receive healthy love. Typically, Black women are on the receiving end of struggle love. There’s a narrative that Black women have to suffer before they are finally recompensed with an improved partner or a new good man.
Another narrative is that Black women are supposed to uplift and be there for a partner who is struggling financially and endure an unreciprocated love. These issues, along with the others mentioned before, can lead to constant arguing and begging for the other partner to put in more work in the relationship.
Struggle love has negative impacts. It can take a toll on someone’s well-being, interfere with having peace of mind and affect their physical health. For example, a toxic relationship can trigger feelings of anxiety and depression, low self-esteem and can lead to difficulties forming healthy relationships in the future.
Throughout the years, countless movies catered towards the Black community have featured struggle love. While some of these relationships were deemed as “relationship goals” by younger viewers, those same viewers had a change of mind as they got older and realized how toxic some of those relationships were. Then there are movies where people instantly knew the relationships being displayed was a struggle love relationship.
An example of struggle love is portrayed in the 2018 film, Acrimony. Taraji P. Henson’s character, Melinda, believed in her college sweetheart Robert, played by Lyriq Bent. She supported her boyfriend-turned husband financially and through her time and well-being while being repaid with broken promises by an unemployed Robert. Although Robert was going through financial struggles, he remained ambitious. However, those ambitions led to him being neglectful, unappreciative and deceptive towards Melinda who sacrificed a lot for him. However, in this case, the movie did not end with Melinda getting her happy ending. Her bitterness got the best of her, leading her to lose her life.
Although the aforementioned film has a struggle love narrative, there are films that provide a good example of a healthy Black love. The 2020 film The Photograph is a positive depiction of love in a Black romantic comedy. The film’s plot surrounds a relationship between two middle-class Black millennial professionals played by Issa Rae and LaKeith Stanfield. While the film touches on the problem the pair eventually overcomes, it stays away from trauma, abuse, infidelity and dishonesty, while highlighting communication, compassion, curiosity and courage.
Everyone has days where they’re down on their luck. However, that is far from what struggle love is. Also, while no one should refer to anyone’s relationship as “goals,” promoting a love that is healthy and happy is something the Black community needs to be better at. This will lead to the harmful cycle of struggle love within the community becoming broken. People deserve a relationship with a partner who will show up for them and meet them halfway with the understanding that it’s give and take.
Sydnee Walcott is a Copy / Contributing Editor for Black Voice. She is also a writer who likes to capture the essence when writing articles on a variety of topics.